Friday, January 26, 2007

The End

It was another bad night. I don't want to go into all the details, but I think it's enough to say that my son had a complete meltdown that culminated with him spitting in my face. I don't mean metaphorically. I'm talking about warm frothy rheum rolling down my cheek like a snail on the wall of an aquarium. I think it was a new low in my life.

I've decided to stop writing about it. I've realized that sharing my suffering is just that -- it's letting other people go through it too. In my constant ups and downs, backs and forths, happiness and misery, I'm dragging other people with me. Particularly, I'm dragging along those who care about me the most, and that is simply not fair.

This is a burden I will have to bear alone, by myself, and privately. I'll put on my happy face and slog forward as best I can. I want the few special people (who should know who they are) to know that I love them, and I'm glad they've been a part of my life. And to my wife: I'll never stop loving you.

Thank you for watching me heal. I'm sorry we couldn't finish the journey.


Dream Reader said...

Well, I for one, am extremely upset to see you hurting this badly. This Blog was supposed to help you, not make it worse. I will tell you that going along with you on this journey has helped me more than you know. I will miss you:-(
Please be good to yourself and I hope your life will eventually be the kind of life you so obviously deserve.
I has been a pleasure getting to know you and I thank you for allowing me to be a part of your pain.

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry to see you are ending your blog. I found it therapeutic to read as I am going through a similar situation myself. Best of luck to you and your family. Tomorrow is always a brand new day and the great thing about it is that we have the choice to live in peace with uncertainty.

tiggyg said...

oh i am sorry to see you have to stop the blog. It has helped me reading it through a tough time in my marriage and I got to know you as well. You are a kind generous man who, in part, gave me the strength to fight for my marriage. I got the chance to know you as well for which i am truly grateful. Good luck and I'm always an instant message away.