Thursday, January 4, 2007


Today has been a mixed grab bag. In fact, on the way back from lunch I was a bit surprised at how much my moods can fluctuate even within the span of only a few minutes.

On one hand, I'm improving. I'm listening to the radio while I drive again, which may sound funny, but is something I haven't been able to do since this all started. I'm also in better physical shape every day, and my total weight loss is now up to 20 pounds. I feel better, and I look better.

On the other hand, it's been a rough day at work. While admittedly my focus has been less than razor sharp lately, I apparently didn't realize how off I've been. Consequently, I managed to really piss off my boss. Seriously - he was visibly angry.

I had the dubious task of letting him know that I had grossly underestimated the level of effort required to complete a project I've been working on, ergo it won't be finished on time. I hate those conversations, but I always try to be honest, own my mistakes, accept the responsibility that belongs to me, and let the chips fall where they may. It's never fun, but it's all part of business. The bottom line is that I may end up working this weekend to make up for lost time.

Notwithstanding my flub (that I attribute to a lack of focus), I actually did do quite a bit of work today. Honestly, it felt pretty good to dig in and be productive. I was reminded that I really enjoy what I do, and I'm pretty good at it. (For those who don't know, I'm the Director of Web Development for a small, well-funded company that is owned by a large, well-funded company.)

Still, right now I could really use a reassuring hug. I want to be cuddled. I want someone to tell me things will be okay. I need to be comforted.

Yes, my kids are there, and they're always good for a hug. Yes, my parents are supportive, and they tell me things will be okay. Yes, I have friends who also reassure me. But at the end of the night, when I crawl into bed, I'll be lying there alone.


Anonymous said...

you just need to give it time. you had to have that first bad day at work and you'll eventually have someone to cuddle with again.

hopefully despite the boss being angry he did appreciate your honesty, it would have been worse had you lead him along to believe that you could produce something that wasn't going to get done.

as for the ladies, you're uber attractive and super sweet and fun, just give it some more time!

Anonymous said...

sorry you had a bad day at work but it was bound to happen. Im sure that as each day goes by you will be able to focus more.

As for the nights, well they can be lonely even when you arent alone.

foxglove said...

I just recieved a link to your story today and I must say at first I was not sure what I thought of your story but then I kept reading & reading, and I feel the need to tell you that, YOU are an amazing man, its been a very hard jouney for you, having gone thru a divorce & living with my daughters & myself, I can tell you I agree it does get loney, I have said what you said so many times (needing a hug & wanting to cuddle)but it does get easier. I will follow your story & gain inspiration from you. Please consider your self hugged today.
Please take care & be well.