Wednesday, January 3, 2007

Grocery Shopping

Last night I had to stop at the store on my way home from work. Since it was my son's birthday, I managed to sneak out just a bit early, and I noticed a few interesting things at the grocery store just before 5PM. The thing that struck me the most was that the place was full of women. I was one of only a very few men there. Some were married, some were single, all were on a mission, and quite focused on what they were doing. It was almost creepy.

As long as I had planned on hitting the grocery store on my way home, I offered to do some shopping for my wife. She's been having to run around a lot lately, and I know she probably didn't feel like it (plus she felt a little sick yesterday). Thus, I talked her into giving me a list of things she needed, and carefully made my rounds to retrieve items from her list and my own.

Then, as I was shopping, I had a sad thought. Maybe if I had done a little more shopping a little sooner, things might be different right now. There's nothing like the "what if?" game to drive a man insane.

My son's birthday party went pretty well. My wife came over for cake, as did some family friends. After she went home, it occured to me that last night had been the last "obligatory" visit. (Since the day she left, there has been a littany of things that required her to come over.) This birthday party marked the last. It made me ... well ... sad.

I tried to get to bed early, but I had a rough night punctuated with waking up in a sweat several times, and not being able to get back to sleep. The worst came at about 2AM. I struggled, and forced myself not to call my wife. The urge became nearly overwhelming at least half a dozen times - all I wanted was to hear her voice, and somehow I felt like if I could, I'd be able to rest at last.


Anonymous said...

sleepless nights aren't over yet, you're still in the very beginning of this process. its so very sad to see you go through this but you're doing amazingly well all things considered, remember that and a lot of people love you and care for you and will continue to be there for you through this no matter how long it takes. that's another thought, try not to give yourself constraints as to what you should be doing or feeling at this point, just let it flow, ups, downs, etc. just go with it, there is no timeline for healing.

Dream Reader said...

You seem to have such an awesome support system behind you. You are very lucky to have the warmth and love that they are giving you. As I've said before; I don't know you, other than what you put in this blog, but you have truely touched me in a way that has convinced me to WORK ON and not QUIT my marriage. You said in the beginning that you were doing this help yourself heal and take others along on this journey. Well, you've helped me and I can't thank you enough.
So like the other comment said "Sleepless nights aren't over yet" But "This too shall pass". You'll make it and we'll be here every step of the way.