Thursday, January 11, 2007


I really meant to post yesterday, but it turned out to be an extremely busy day. The good news is that it was the best day I've had since this all started. The question is then "what changed?" The short answer is simply that I gained some perspective.

Tuesday night, as you may recall, things were quite black indeed. After I wrote the post about how I felt, I reconciled my bank account. Strangely, that made me feel a bit better (I've been putting it off for a few days). Maybe it was that I felt a bit more in control of my own situation, or perhaps it was a reminder that I'm going to be okay, but for whatever reason, things seemed just a little bit brighter.

I have a philosophy that I affectionately refer to as "Faith in the Unknown". Essentially, it means that sometimes problems seem insurmountable, but generally something will come up to help, and it's usually something you never thought of. If things seem bad, and there's nothing you can do, give it a little time -- something will change. I haven't been optimistic enough to exercise this philosophy for a while, but something happened after I paid my bills to restore my "faith".

I ended up having a long conversation on the phone with a really nice young lady. For a plethora of reasons, she isn't relationship material for me (including her age [21], her location [far], and several other twists); still, our conversation served as a very interesting reminder. I was reminded that apart from the role I've held as a dedicated husband for the past 7 years, I am also an individual. Furthermore, I am also attractive to the opposite sex (everyone likes to know that - even people who have been happily married for 40 years). It gave me some perspective on the situation that there will be life for me after her.

Armed with perspective on the situation, I was able to accept a lot of realities that I have been previously unable to deal with. She's not coming back. Life will go on. I'll be happy, even without her. Furthermore, I didn't have her in my life for the first 26 years, and it didn't bother me a bit.

I even selected our break-up theme song (it may seem strange, but I always do that), and I think it fits the situation perfectly. This time, I chose "Time for me to Fly", by REO Speedwagon. The lyrics seem to have been written for my situation. You can read them here.

Work is going well. I noticed yesterday that I don't feel so much like the new guy anymore, and I feel like I'm adding a lot of value to the company, which is also important. I've managed to find my focus, and I've been extremely productive this week.

On the home front, I've also seemed to find my groove. The kids and I have routines established, and the house is running smoothly. We've even re-instituted our weekly game night where a couple of my friends come over for dinner and we play games, joke, and generally socialize.

Sure, there will be bad days ahead. Not everyday can be great, but I'm going to get through this. I've made it halfway into the forest, and now I'm working to come out the other side.


Anonymous said...

wow, you really are moving along through this process and making amazing leaps and bounds each week.

its great that you're able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. good for you for seeing that just because your wife doesn't feel the same way about you aren't desirable.

what a relief that everything seems to be coming together for you. i hope you can continue to be this optimistic even when you start to feel the pangs of pain from what has happened.

it will be interesting to see how things continue to change in your relationship with your wife now that you're seeing hope instead of despair.

keep taking time to enjoy life and the people around you, its so essential. you're doing great!

Anonymous said...

Thank you so much for such sharing of yourself.

If you ever want to talk, you know where to find me.