It's funny how much your mood can change throughout a single day. I started out today pretty optimistic. I got up at 4AM, got a little computer time in, and made waffles for my kids for breakfast before they had to go to school. I didn't even mind ironing my clothes. Unfortunately, I'm beginning to lose my optimism. I think there are several reasons.
First, I talked to my wife this morning, and I managed to make her mad. She feels like I'm still invading her space. I wish there were a handbook for things like this -- then I'd know what the rules were so I could just follow them. In any event, after our positive visit yesterday, things seem worse today. (Up, down, up, down, up down...)
Really, it's my own fault. I just can't seem to stop myself from letting that optimism creep in. Granted, there's nothing wrong with optimism in and of itself, but it has a tendency to pull you up, which sometimes means that the drop is that much further when you have to come down again. (Up, down, up, down, up down...)
I just came out of a business meeting, and it looks like I may have to go to Boston for a day or two (more? I hope not) next week. For some reason, that thought makes me lonely, nervous, and tired. That means I'll have to find someone to stay with the kids. (My wife, you say? I suspect that would violate the space rule, but again, I have no handbook.) Also, traveling is a financial burden I could really do without at present time, to say nothing of how exhausting business travel can be. Furthermore, let's face it: Boston isn't exactly a vacation destination in January. (Up, down, up, down, up down...)
I haven't said a peep about what's going on to anyone at work. If they knew, I'm afraid that it would become a convenient excuse anytime anything went wrong. If they don't know it's happening, they can't use it to assign blame. It's not that I don't respect my coworkers. In fact, quite the opposite is true. It's a mere question of human nature. (Up, down, up, down, up down...)
The net result is that I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed. Today is my son's birthday, which means it's going to be a rough night in more ways than one. I have to stop at the grocery store on my way home from work. Then, around 7, some friends are coming over, as is my wife. (Up, down, up, down, up down...)
This should be the last obligatory visit now that the holidays are over. Honestly, I'm not sure how I feel about that, either. I guess the simple truth is that a part of me is still hanging on. (Up, down, up, down, up down...)
I hope things go well tonight. I'm emotionally exhausted.