My daughter is waiting for me to go grocery shopping (we made a list of our meals and what we need to buy), so unfortunately, I don't have time to write a very detailed post right now. But, I realize that many people watch this blog and are concerned for me. That being the case, I'll offer a quick update and fill in the details later.
A very interesting thing happened the other night. I had a very painful conversation with my wife. It wasn't easy, and at one point she actually used the words "it's over". I resolved myself to accept the situation as it is, and live my life based on that. Right now, she is gone. Period. She isn't coming back, and I cannot sit out on the porch gazing over the horizon waiting to see her silhouette come walking down the road.
It's possible that she may find what she's looking for, and decide to come back. It's also possible that some rich relative I've never met will leave me a large inheritance, but I cannot make my decisions based upon either possibility. Time waits for no man, and I have to go on. If she has a change of heart in the future, the burden will be on her to win me back - not the other way around.
After I made the decision, I cried. When I finished, I accepted reality. That night, I slept the whole night through without waking up shivering in a puddle of sweat for the first time in a month. Sure, I have down moments during the day, but I'm trying to focus on the positive, and I managed to make it through the whole night again last night.
I've dropped about 17 pounds, and I've started to work out again. I'm feeling better both physically, and emotionally. It's not too surprising given that studies have shown exercise to help reduce stress. Admittedly, she looks great too. That's not so easy for me to accept, but again, it's reality.
I really appreciate the outpouring of support I've gotten. Thank you for continuing to watch me heal.
2 comments:
I'm glad you decided to to write something. As I've said I read your blog daily and I was wondering if everything was OK. You sound better again. That's great. It sounds like your enjoying your kids as well. It's great that you have such a close relationship with your kids. Do they live with you all the time? Well I thought I would share with you that I have made a conscious (sp?) decision to try as hard as I can to work on my marriage and I would like to also let you know that it is in part because of the things that you've said. Although at this particular moment my husband is sitting here watching Jack Ass Two and thinks it's the best!!! He keeps saying "Babe, you gotta see this" Ha Ha! I'm sorry, there is no way I would watch any of that movie!! You see what I have to work with? LOL!!
Well, I will continue to read your blog and comment. I enjoy your comments back to me too. Let's keep in touch.
Yes, my kids live with me full time. (I guess that makes me a single parent.) In fact, I'm just wrapping up some legal nonsense to finish formalizing the latest custody change. With a little luck, that additional stress will over soon as well, but that's another blog post in itself.
It warms my heart to hear that you're going to put every effort into making your marriage work. I will certainly be rooting for you!
Although it may seem decidedly unromantic to you, for what it's worth, I don't think it's necessarily bad that your husband may have interests that you don't find appealing. It may surprise you to hear that I actually enjoyed that same movie very much myself. Furthermore, I'm sure that you have a few interests that he may find equally distasteful (for example, how would he feel about sitting down and reading a romance novel?)
Dale Carnegie once said that if two people agree on everything, one of them is not necessary. Yes, it is important to share common interests and goals. Differences, though, can also spice things up - especially if each person can embrace those differences as a way to show they care.
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