I've had an epiphany. I don't have any control over this situation, and I find that thought ... liberating. Let me elaborate.
This morning, a good friend of mine observed: "I think a lot of your trepidation with her leaving has more to do with your own feelings on your ability to be in control of your life." While I don't know that I necessarily agree 100% with that statement, it does have elements of truth. Part of this may indeed be a control thing for me. But, it's a funny thing about control, sometimes not being in control can be a good thing too.
When I was promoted to Sergeant in the Army, one of the first things I said was "You know, there's a lot to be said for being a Private." My reasoning was that as a Private, you really don't have any problems. If a problem comes up, you tell your Sergeant and now it's his problem. As a Sergeant, however, not only do you have to deal with all your own problems, you also have to take care of your subordinates and look out for their well-being.
In this situation, I don't have any control. That also means I cannot be held accountable -- especially to myself. I have done everything I can, and I can do no more. It's time to focus on things I can control.
2 comments:
I truely believe that God has a plan for all of us. We have to do the foot work, but in the end it's his call. You've done all you can to restore your marriage, now it's up to God to give her the desire to come back to you.
When I was seperated from husband he started going to church. Well, I didn't want him to look better than me in the eyes of the court so I started going to church too. Well, they say God works in mysterious ways. The things they said in Church stuck with me. I guess God wanted me to work on my marriage because one night before I even realized what I was doing , I called him and said we need to work this out. I know that was God's plan because I had absolutely no intention of reconciling with him.
Now, 10 years later, I have to be honest, I'm still not sure if it was the right move.
Well, since I'm a confirmed Atheist, I find no solace in god. Arguably, it's just as well. If I thought this was all part of some grand plan, I'd be wondering what I did to piss him off.
That being said, I absolutely understand other people's need to believe. Frankly, religion can be quite comforting in troubling times. I expect it would be soothing to yield control to some "higher power", and to believe that no matter how bad things are now, all will be rewarded in the end.
As an Atheist, I don't believe there is some surpreme being looking out for us. Thus, I think it is our responsibility to look out for one another. It's one of the reasons I was able to start this blog.
Obviously, I cannot say I will pray for you, since I neither pray not believe in the power of prayer. What I will say is that my thoughts and best wishes are with you, and if it helps you to pray, I encourage you to do so.
Thank you for sharing.
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