Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Progress Hurts

"Most things break, including hearts. The lessons of life amount not to wisdom, but to scar tissue and callus."

- Wallace Stegner

My wife just called. She's going to look at an apartment. Although I've been expecting this moment, I now find that I'm not prepared.

I'm a zombie. I walk through the office and smile at the people I pass by, but they don't know that I'm dying inside. I want to go somewhere and cry, but I can't.

I know I have to let her go. I know that if there's any way she'll ever come back, she has to find what she's looking for. For me, it is the all-consuming question, and I'm terrified of the answer. I can't remember when I've ever been this alone or afraid.

I'll see her tonight for my daughter's birthday, and when I do, I'll do my best to put on that same smiling face that greets my new coworkers. Later tonight, when the kids are in bed, and she is gone, I'll listen to some music, reflect, and try to cry it out. Tomorrow is another day.


Dream Reader said...

When my husband and I were seperated I used to tell him that he needed to give me time to miss him. That saying about Loving someone and setting them free is so true. You just have to be willing to accept the outcome.
I read your blog every day now and I guess it's like a reality show,huh? I feel the urge to follow along with you and feel what your feeling. Go through it with you. Be there for you. I don't know anything about you except what you write, but maybe that the draw. A total stranger that has no expectations of me.
So, I'm in for the long haul. If my words become too much, just say so.

Wounded Heart said...

I really appreciate the comments you leave, the support you give me, and the advice you lend. Thank you for sharing the journey with me.